I think I’m just going to grow out one of my fingernails until it’s super long and then use it solely to clean food crumbs out the crevices in my keyboard.

and I’m magically no longer hungry.

Allow me to be of assistance. I post all kinds of awesome stuff…

Whoooaaa, keep your pants on, buddy! Let me tell you what kinds of stuff I post before you race to press that “Follow” button (conveniently located in the upper right-hand corner of my blog—but that’s not important right now).

I’m a child of the 90s, so if you are too and you’ve ever owned and/or seen a TV, then prepare for a healthy dose of kickass nostalgia on your dashboard…

I should note that aside from this gif I do not post the Jonas Brothers—they are neither from the 90s or very early 00s, nor awesome. The Jonas Brothers can kiss my ass.

I also post about all kinds of random stuff, like Glee, Modern Family, Starkid, Food (that’s right…fooood), Tyler Oakley, Jenna Marbles, and a whole bunch of other stuff that is equally awesome…

So if that’s not enough to make you want to be my new buddy, I’ll leave you with this to think about: I am not at all above bribery and I will give every new follower that I gain $5 apiece…and by $5 I mean an imaginary high-five via internet.